Why Many Women Have Difficulty Achieving Orgasm

Although orgasm is a complex experience for both men and women, female orgasm is not the same as male orgasm. Basically, female climax usually lacks evident signs and takes a longer time to build up. Let’s go through the stages of a female orgasm and find out the possible physical “indicators” of a woman reaching it.

The excitement stage involves:

 Increased heart rate; quicker breathing; vaginal swelling and lubrication due to increased blood flow.
The Plateau stage involves: more vaginal swelling; the vaginal opening becomes more prominent; change of the color of her privates (from pink to red wine color); increase in muscle tension; the nipples increase in size and become very sensitive; the clitoris increases in size and becomes very sensitive to a touch; many women experience a “sex flush” as a result of increased blood flow.
The Orgasm: this is the peak of the arousal that involves intense muscle contractions and spasms; there is a multiple and rhythmic contraction in the vagina, anus and uterus; heavy sweating; intense breathing; moaning and groaning. At the peak of orgasm a woman’s entire body may become momentarily rigid! Some women ‘ejaculate’ (emit some fluid from urethra).
The Resolution stage involves: blood releases away from the vagina; breasts and nipples become soft; heart rate, breathing and blood pressure go down. The labia, the clit, and uterus return to their normal color and size.

The possible causes for not getting it

Having an orgasm is a delicious feeling! But not all women always have it. Some women have an orgasm most of the time, some have it sometimes, and many can’t have one at all. Either by themselves or with a lover. Okay, it’s true that, for many women, sex can be satisfying even without an orgasm, because they value the closeness, kissing, cuddling, and the feeling of him inside her, more than the orgasm itself. BUT still that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to enjoy that “happy ending”!

There are various possible causes for a woman not “getting there”: physical, psychological/emotional and circumstantial. Of course, below I mention just some of them. And if you find some causes taking place in your relationship – then it’s time to think about what you can do about the problem.

Psychological/emotional causes of a woman for not climaxing may include:

• Low self-esteem and negative feelings about her body image or smell
• Worrying about what her lover is thinking about her body, her style of lovemaking, her sexual technique, etc
• Most women find it difficult to “be in the moment” and think a lot about other things during sex
• Concentrating too hard on reaching orgasm, and fear of that she won’t be able to reach it
• Dislike of a partner’s sexual behavior and style; dislike of a partner’s body smell or taste
• Relationship issues and difficulties (for example, stress or conflict, or lack of trust and open communication about sex) can prevent a woman relaxing enough to reach the big ‘O’
• Contraception worries
• Lack of sexual experience
• Not enough knowledge about her own body and sexual self
• An experience of harmful events; emotional, physical or sexual abuse

Circumstantial causes of a woman for not climaxing may include:

• Not enough foreplay or lack of foreplay
• Not enough stimulation or “wrong” stimulation
• Trying to orgasm simultaneously with her partner by repressing her own sexual response
• Being too focused on her lover’s orgasm and not giving enough stimulation to herself
• Sex routine
• Not comfortable setting or atmosphere

Physical causes of a woman for not climaxing may include:

• Some medications may alter sexual desire and response
• Certain surgeries can affect a woman’s sexuality
• Hormonal changes; changes in the vagina tissues, vaginal dryness

What men can do to “bring her water to boiling”

There are some hot ladies who can get turned on very quickly and achieve orgasm easily. But MOST women need some additional stimulation and special atmosphere for having their “water boiling”.

The following tips may help you, dear men, to bring your lovely lady to that “happy ending”.

• Compliment her before, during and after sex, and remember that if you tell her she’s sexy, she becomes and behaves sexy!
• Keep in mind that in addition to the “right” physical stimulation, most women also need erotic mental stimulation to achieve the big ‘O’ (for example: compliments, sexual fantasies, sex games, erotic talk, mood music, etc)
• Offer her a pleasant, comfortable surroundings and atmosphere
• Bring to bed a good lubricant, if needed
• Do not rush things. Take your time when it comes to foreplay; slowly and softly fondle, caress, lick and kiss every inch of her body, from head to toe; help her focus on her pleasurable sensations
• Play with her breasts and nipples
• Please her orally
• Please her manually
• Don’t attack the clitoris, play softly and gently
• Experiment with different sex positions until you find the one that she loves best (for example, woman on top position or doggy-style position are probably one of the most effective sex positions to increase her chances to achieve the big ‘O’)
• Try mutual masturbation and different types of non-penetrative activities
• Play with sex toys for variety and extra stimulation
• Try tantric sex and tantric kissing
• And keep in mind that asking her questions like “Have you come yet?”, or “Haven’t you come yet?” can really kill the mood in the heat of the moment!

Things to avoid doing when it comes to pleasuring a woman:

• Asking her whether she has orgasmed yet or not
• Asking too many questions during lovemaking: “Do you like this”, “Do you like that?”, “What do you want me to do now?”, “What do you want me to do next?”, etc
• Being rough with her love-button, the clitoris
• Biting and squeezing her breasts TOO hard
• Being rough with manual stimulation of her “goodies”

Who is responsible for a woman’s orgasm?

Unfortunately, we women love to blame men almost for everything. There is a common misconception among women that a woman’s orgasm is a man’s duty, and if she does not achieve orgasm during sex, a man, again, is the only one to blame. Quite unfairly, because BOTH are responsible! Ladies, if you wish to receive orgasms, it’s your responsibility to know “the mechanism” of your own orgasm and sexual arousal, and inform him how to please you! Tell him how to make you satisfied! As for you, gentlemen… You guys are responsible for building up her desire for you and excitement. Know her body needs, develop your sexual skills and techniques, be attentive to her body language, and talk to her! Plus, keep in mind the tips I’ve mentioned above!

Can a woman enjoy sex without an orgasm?

Although there are many women who enjoy intimacy without an orgasm, orgasm IS necessary for a woman as it’s for a man. Not only experiencing orgasm is a wonderful feeling, orgasms are beneficial to a woman’s health! Orgasms can help to reduce stress, by the release of endorphins, hormones which “switch off” the parts of the brain that govern stress, anxiety and fear. Orgasms help to lose weight. Orgasms and regular sex life can boost the immune system. When a woman gets an orgasm it increases the level of the hormones which make her hair shine and skin smooth. In fact, if a woman is aroused and does not climax, she may find herself feeling very, very uncomfortable after sex. Regularly unreleased sexual tension may result in various emotional and physical problems (for example, mastopathy or myoma due to stagnated blood). Personally, when I get aroused and do not orgasm, I feel an aching discomfort in my lower abdomen. This feeling typically lasts for up to or more than half an hour! Well, an orgasm a day can really keep the doctor away!

And one final point. If a woman has difficulty achieving the big ‘O’, it does not necessarily mean she is not ‘normal’ or there is something wrong with her. In fact, MOST women CAN receive orgasms! Women just need the “right” conditions and a skilled and caring you. Also, some champagne, flowers, chocolates and a feeling of being wanted and appreciated can definitely increase the likelihood of orgasm!

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